So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize