I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
