I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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