I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
