god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
