there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Boobs speak an international language.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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