Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
