i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
