remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
