I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
