Can Purell be used as lube?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
