all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
