Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
