Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
