you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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