Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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