She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
