planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
