...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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