dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
