I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
