I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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