I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
