dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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