Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
