i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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