fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
so much tequila, so little girl.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
