I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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