I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
