I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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