are you still at the devil's house?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
