If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
