I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
