I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
