Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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