dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
