Sponge bath it is.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
