Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
