I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
