No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
