Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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