I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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