people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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