just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
