the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
