I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
