Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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