He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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