And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
