Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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