I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
