I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
