in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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