I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
