hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
