Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
