Already got asked if we're dating
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
