she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize