hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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