Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
