I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
