yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
