people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
