Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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