im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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