I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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