After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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