Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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