i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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