Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
