You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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