OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize