In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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