He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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