Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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