I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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